To George Bailey

I Want to Live Again...

Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" is one of my favorite movies. As anyone will tell you, it gives me tears every year I watch it.

My grandpa, Leland Crandall, introduced me to the film one Christmas. He told me he watched it at least once every year.

I remember being in junior high, and wondering, "Why would Grandpa watch the same movie every year?" I got to thinking, "Well, we all do it with a Frosty, or Charlie Brown, or Rudolph, so..." I remember watching it as a young teen, for the first time. To give some context, I was not a Christian,  I went to church because my mom and dad went. I didn't even know if I really believed in God. I mean, I said prayers at night and tried to read the big King James, red-lettered family Bible we kept in the living room, but didn't really get it. My friends, Stephanie and Kathy, invited me regularly to youth group, but I never felt like I fit in there either. I didn't know the Bible, or the other kids like they did. And being an introvert and a nerd who didn't fit in, really made things difficult too. I identified with the Misfits, of Rudolph regularly!

I went occasionally to youth group during Sunday school, but often I just went to see friends I knew, skip that uncomfortable Sunday School room, wander around the church until the main service started. While I wandered around, I looked at the books, the pictures of Jesus, took in the smell of coffee and old books, and picked through the church library. I wondered, "Do I fit in here? Does God really need me here?"

Back to the show...

Of course, we all know George Bailey goes through a crucial moment in his life. And this year, I really got some things I missed, and related well to them. I like to think in these moments, God is reminding me, speaking to me, through this medium. Or perhaps, my own circumstances are particularly close to what George goes through in the movie.

Please allow me to reflect, if you will, on why I was crying from the moment George is screaming for Clarence, on the bridge ; through the end of the film. Everyone can say, "Yes, I cry every time at Zuzu's petals, I cry when the bell rings for Clarence." But how many cry, when George is screaming for help? When he's screaming out for the once person who has been with him, this entire nightmare of "what-ifs," and is nowhere to be found.

 I don't want to spoil the movie for you, so if you have never watched this film, please stop reading and do so! Then come back and continue!

This year, I started to cry when George reaches the bridge for the second time in the film. In the first time his circumstances have driven him to despair. With little hope and feeling he has no one to turn to for help, including his wife and personal nemesis, Mr. Potter, the richest man in town - a financial mishap has pushed George to the edge. This year, it struck me that George, a man who has lived his life for his family, for friends, for his wife and kids, and for his community - has never been able to complete his dreams - to get out of town, to see the world , to get an education, to  become financially well-off or rich. He speaks at the dinner table in the movie, with his father, a personal contrast of a man, to all George is hoping for in his life. As we watch the movie, circumstances - life - happens and George has to make deeply personal and sacrificial choices.

And so this year, I noticed, George's spiral to his dark night of the soul begins by someone else's mistake. It wasn't even a choice or decision George had made, but it affected the rest of his life. His uncle Billy has made the mistake, and due to it, George must find $8,000 dollars to save his business, his reputation, the homes and lives of so many in the community, his own life is at stake. Without the money he faces jail. He is in such fear, he even threatens Uncle Billy, that he would be the one to go to prison, and not George. He even goes home, unable to share with his wife, Mary, the fear and crushing numbness of the reality of what he is facing.

I realized, it wasn't George's fault, but because of how he has lived his life, he knows he will reap the consequences of it. He knows the burden falls on his shoulders alone, because that's how he has always lived his life, to spare others and take the responsibility and burdens onto himself. He will go to prison, he will lose his wife and kids, he will lose his reputation, he will lose the Building and Loan. And he knows those losses will destroy others lives too. He has little hope, but he says a prayer...in a bar...drunk and trying to cope with what is happening.

"God...God...Dear Father in Heaven, I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there and you can hear me, show me the way. I'm at the end of my rope. Show me the way, God."

Circumstances and someone else's mistake, has driven him to desperation.

I think we have all been there. And so the story unfolds, and we are with George back at the bridge, screaming for Clarence.

And I am crying, seeing this for the first time, really, this year.

It's not his fault. He didn't do anything but try and live a decent life, help others like his dad did, and take some of the pain and suffering away from others. He gave up what he dreamed to have, because he had the ability to foresee what would happen if he didn't. If he didn't take the job at the Building and Loan, people would suffer, the town would suffer. If he left on his honeymoon, the business would go under and friends would lose their homes and have to leave town. When his brother came back, it would ruin his brother's new marriage and chance of a rich career, of George left to travel and college. If he tried to move on with his architect dreams and his own marriage, the Building and Loan would fail, and the community would suffer under Potter's rule. George was always putting others before himself. Even in the debating of ending his life to get some money, he saves Clarence from drowning.

He has said a prayer for direction, for help, for hope. It seemingly is unanswered at first, and then God sends an angel. That angel shows him the answer to his wish, and it still isn't an answer to his prayers. What George asked for, was not what he really wanted and what God would have wanted for his life. How many of us have prayed and received like that, and find us at the bridge, SCREAMING  - "HELP ME, SOMEONE! HELP ME!"

How many of us are driven to the bridge, by life or circumstances? How many, by someone else careless choices or mistakes? Are you at the edge, because you have little hope, said a prayer, and no answers and not what you prayed for are still chaining you to fears? How many are screaming out someone's name - for help or hope?

And some of us, out here in the real world, never get to that moment. Sometimes not until it is too late.  Someone never gets to hear the words of Clarence, in the midst of their personal hell,

"...you really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?"

I've been there. Have you? I got to thinking, "How many people this Christmas and New Year's are in a personal hell?" Someone out there, by their own decisions or by the impact of decisions of others, is suffering. Somewhere, in my own little circle of friends and family, a person I love is feeling trapped without an end or hope of circumstances ending anytime soon. A job loss, a health diagnosis, a tragedy, a mistake, a wrong choice, a debt, something has driven them to a bridge. They are at home, alone, in an office, at work, a hospital bed, a motel room, a bar, coming off another binge, or whatever. Some of them pull back and cross the bridge. Some of them are still there screaming for help.

Can you hear them? Are you willing to hear them? What if this New Year is all about you being the answer to someone's prayers? What if this year, you have to be like Clarence and show them they really have a wonderful life, and they themselves, have been the answer to so many others prayers? What if they are at the bridge contemplating fear and despair, without hope and they need to see and hear that their answer to their own prayer or wish - is a horrible answer, and they could never bear what it would really do to everyone they know and love.

Can you do that? Will you do that?

George sees no way out, no way forward, no happy response, no rescue, no financial windfall, no one with him at that moment. He has seen the answer to one prayer, to never have been born, take him to hell. And he ends his wish of a no-life, at the same bridge he wished to end his own.

And George realizes...One person, God in the act of his agent, can save George. One person, one true prayer-

"I want to live again. I want to live again. Please, God, let me live again."

George sees he cannot do anything, or have anything unless he is alive. Those you love cannot do anything about their suffering and their circumstances alone. They need you. They need your light, they need your hope. We are not made to be alone, in anything. We are made for relationships, for love, for community. Sometimes we lose sight of that. I am asking this year, look for those George Baileys around you. They will be anywhere. And don't be partial or judgmental. A hundred dollar loss may not be much to you and your finances, but to theirs, it means no food for a week. Someone breaking up with them, means nothing to your satisfying singleness. To them, it's singleness again, after 15 years of being single. Just a party night and a bad choice, ended 30-60-90 days sobriety and the guilt, fear, and doubts a screaming in their head.

YOU - need to be Clarence today, tomorrow, next week. You might need to step into a messy situation, on the edge of the bridge, into the dark closet, into the hospital room. YOU - need to offer a hand, offer to help, to take over for a bit, to share the burden, give what money you can - because you can - and you don't do it alone. If you feel like you cannot handle their situation, give them directions to, refer them to a phone number, a business card, a name. And follow up with them frequently to help them follow through.  You can do it, because you are being sent to them. You are an answer to prayer. You are strength, peace, and hope for them.

Remember, Clarence wasn't just anyone. He was an angel. He was sent by God. And so you shall be also. No one loves, no one helps, no one has compassion - without God. God is love. And without them, by His grace, none of us could do any of this for one another. Even if you don't believe in God, believe me. God will use you, despite your faith and your beliefs, because he is sovereign and wants none of His children to suffer without love. He will use you to love and help another, because it's His love and grace for you. Maybe, you will see His using you and believe. Maybe He will use you to help that one on the edge, to believe in Him. That's up to you. That's up to what you are willing to be open to see and believe. And if you don't see it, you can still believe in Him. Sometimes the greatest faith can come from believing without seeing, and knowing He is using you for someone else, like George Bailey, who really needs their eyes to see, in order to believe. I only needed to see the stars at night, to go to church and hear the Bible, and be loved by others when I started to believe in God and Jesus. Others need something more. They need to see the love of a stranger, the hope of a meal or community, a random act of kindness or determined act of witness and prayer. They may need to see it, from you, one time. They may need YOU to walk beside them for a week, a month, several months.

My friend and pastor Jim Wiegand, shared in a recent sermon,

"We are the only thing God has created, that can envision or imagine a tomorrow that is different from today."

YOU, like George Bailey, might have to make some choices to live selflessly. You might have to might have to put someone else's needs before your own. It may take some time. It may take months. But you and I will be doing exactly this. We will be giving that person a vision - helping them imagine that tomorrow, the next moment, the next hour will be different than before. And in helping them see that, they may be able to see a better day, better week, a better life ahead of them. It's not easy, it takes faith, hope, and love. It takes community. No one can do this on their own. It takes you, one sent from God, to do this. It takes you, Jesus. It takes you, Holy Spirit in me, to see beyond my all my despairs and trials and suffering, to see you in Someone offering a wonderful life.

If you re-watch the movie, It begins with the voices of family and friends offering prayers to God, for George and for help and hope for him. This is something else that really struck me this year. Even if you are not the type of person to do the one-on-one or face-to-face help, like Clarence, you CAN pray. George Bailey's prayer was in the middle of others already praying for him. You may think your prayers are fleeting, a passing mention on Facebook. But re-read those purposeful prayers.

Mr. Gower - "I owe everything to George Bailey. Help him, dear Father."

Martini - "Joseph, Jesus, and Mary. Help my friend, Mr. Bailey."

Mrs. Bailey - "Help my son George tonight."

Bert - "He never thinks about himself , God; that's why he's in trouble."

Ernie - "George is a good guy. Give him a break, God."

Mary - "I love him, dear Lord. Watch over him tonight."

Janie - "Please God. Something's the matter with Daddy."

Zuzu - "Please bring Daddy back."

Keep praying. This year, keep looking for a George Bailey, a Mary Bailey, a Mr. Potter, anyone looking to hope their next moment, their tomorrow, will be different than things are for them right now. You may know someone already, and I encourage you to keep being an answer to prayer for them. Keep praying for them. Keep calling or texting them. Keep believing for them. Keep helping them every way you can. The final scene is all about family and community. The final scene shows that a hug, your presence, your dollar - along with everyone else's - transform their today and their tomorrow.

When George runs home with a new vision, a thankfulness his eyes were opened and his true answer to his prayer - "What is my life really worth?" - he still has to face his circumstances, the debt, his family and friends, and the uncertainty of how things are going to work out. But he has two things, his life, and joy. He is alive. He can still change things, make a difference, pray, hope, see tomorrow. He has joy, and runs through time screaming "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" to everyone. He has experienced a hope and joy some never find. And while Christ is never specifically mentioned in the movie, I believe it is an unstated belief, in their faith in God.

That's what church is all about. Our church is about proclaiming that God can change things. God can make a difference. God is more than your circumstances and mistakes. God is love. Church is professing faith in God's only agent and answer to all things, His son Jesus. Church is coming together and praying together through those dark nights. And in that same faith - living and loving each other in all circumstances. Because if we do, we can show each other and the world, that God truly is sovereign love, and love conquers all. All sins, all mistakes, all circumstances, all temptations, all fears, all thoughts, all doubts, all hope in Christ overcomes.

We can show each other how a tomorrow can look, because you or I have already been through the same night, on the same bridge, with the same thoughts and fears. We can declare as a church, you are not alone, we love you, please come home.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you know anyone who needs help, or is thinking of taking their life, please call them, call your pastor for help, get to them and help. 

Call the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255